ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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