this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
