Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
