yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
