Yo dont text me then not text me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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