I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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