Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
