then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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