Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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