i barfeds in our rink
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
