Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
