Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
