Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
