i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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