dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
