So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
