In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
