guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
