Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
