i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
