You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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