Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
