Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize