Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
