Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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