I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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