is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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