they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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