what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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