I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
