I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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