Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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