apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
