There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
