In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I could make wine with my vomit
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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