He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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