She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
