he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
