i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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