listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
