Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
