I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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