He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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