May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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