Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
