this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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