I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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