The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
