are you still at the devil's house?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
