what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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