Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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