I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i now understand why vodka
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
