sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
