So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
