I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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