Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
