Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
