Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
