I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
