grandma shit on top of the toilet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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