All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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