i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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