I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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