We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
