Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
