So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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