Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
