just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
