I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
