rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
