He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
