I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize