4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
