Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
