I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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