im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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