Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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