There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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