K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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