Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
