i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
