Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
