Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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